Secrets We Keep From Those We Love

Everyone keeps a few secrets from a husband or wife, boyfriend and girlfriend. And people keep their secrets for a lot of reasons. Often people are embarrassed or they are fearful of a partner's hostility or possible rejection.

And research shows that it is in one's best interest to keep some things private, especially when partners or spouses are likely to respond poorly to the truth. Being rejected, scorned, or stigmatized does not help any one work through a serious issue.

But, keeping secrets can also be harmful.

Keeping secrets often prevents people from dealing with the problem at hand. Keeping secrets leads to increased stress, anxiety, and it often makes people think about the issue (event or topic) more frequently.

For instance, people who have a secret crush on someone often dwell on their feelings more than people who are able to talk about their feelings out in the open. More often than not, keeping something secret makes it seem more important than it really is.

Likewise, revealing secrets is very helpful when it is done right; that is, in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Revealing secrets can reduce stress, it helps people let go of an issue and think about it more clearly.

If a secret is bothering you, it really does help to get it out - as long people don't respond negatively or use the information against you.

In fact, research shows that the simple task of writing down a secret, even if no one ever reads it, makes people feel better. Writing a secret down reduces stress - it is cathartic.

With this in mind, we have created a place where people can anonymously reveal the secrets they keep. Maybe you will find that letting go of one of your own secrets is helpful and not so embarrassing after all.

The Good & The Bad Of Office Romance

Professionals often spend significantly more time at the office than at home. So much so that there is always a generous amount of single men and single women who don't have the time to meet new people. So the logical choice for them to meet other single men and women is naturally, the office.

When single people spend at least 40 hours, in some professions 50 hours and more, with like minded people of similar backgrounds and interests, relationships are a tempting side effect. Although it's a logical choice to look within the office for romance, there are definitely good and bad aspects to the office dating scene.

The good in office dating

There are several advantages to office dating one of which is obvious -- the time you have to check out the available singles is during your work hours so no longer do the constraints of office hours apply. Also the awkwardness of first introductions is usually eliminated as initial conversations are done within the pretense of a work environment once again relieving the stress of having to make such a critical first impression since the impression would be based on some sort of work objective as opposed to strictly a personal objective like you would have in the normal dating process.

A second advantage is knowing the person before you date them, at least to some degree. The truth is you may interact with a potential date several times on a business level and get to know something about their personality and themselves without being on the spot as you would in a normal social setting. This helps avoid the common pitfall of most early relationships -- incompatibility.

A final advantage, is the ability to quickly build a relationship as the time you see each other is significantly more than people who would meet outside the work place?

The bad in office dating

As with any dating scenario there is defiantly a bad side to office romance. For example just as being in constant contact with each other due to sharing an office can be an advantage it can also be a huge disadvantage. This amount of time spent together can cause a relationship to fall apart just as quickly as it developed, why? We all need alone time and seeing each other five days a week for eight hours or more and then spending time together on the weekends makes for precious little alone time.

Another disadvantage to the office romance is when a person must exercise their professional responsibilities which might include having to discipline or even fire the person they are dating . Although this might seem like a remote idea when you being the relationship, I don't think you would be very comfortable having to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend, "your fired". Another example of this might be a need for one of the participants to go out of their way to show the rest of the office they are not playing favorites maybe even to the point of not promoting the person even though they might be the most deserving.

A final disadvantage to office dating could be jealousy especially if the relationship is "under cover". If you see your officemates flirting with your date the natural reaction would be negative and why would being in a office environment generate any other reaction than a natural one? With that reaction might come a unnecessary reaction including punishing someone for something that is not work related at all.

Before you entertain the thought of dating the cute secretary on the fourth floor or the hot hunk VP you saw during the last office meeting, entertain the consequences of dating that person, balance the pros and cons and if you decide to move foreward keep an eye out for all of the things that can go wrong and have an understanding of how you might handle any of those situations. Remember you are dating a professional single so to keep your job keep the professional in front of the single.

Do We Relate Differently With Family Compared To Friends

So many times, you will hear from someone that they are so and so. They are from the xyz family. They would say. Their family is famous for this and this, they would add. Family and a strong sense of belonging to our last name is important to many of us. Even if someone's great great grandfather/grandmother was distantly related to the monarch of that country or a very rich family, ages ago, one remembers that and recollects that fact with pride. Common blood stream coming down the ages makes a big difference to a lot of us. Leave aside common people, in this modern age, even kings and queens are decided by heredity and not by qualities.

I will talk of an imaginary situation. Say, I have a cousin, who I meet once a year. And I have a friend, with whom I share all my successes and failures and meet at least once a week. If a quirk of fate is drowning both and I am given the choice of saving only one of them, whom shall I chose? My decision will be dependent on my sense of belonging to common family and the value I put to my friendship. This decision may be tough to make, but I will have to make it and live with it for the rest of my life. What would you do, if such a situation arises in your life?

Is man a logical animal? Do we behave and act in ways that are governed by certain rules? No! We all have our own rules, and values. We all look at the same situation very differently. Our reactions are very different during the times, when it comes to crux issues. I have seen examples where, if the men of two families break their friendship, both the families follow. Everybody says bye to the other family, as if every other relationship of friendship that was shared amongst the members of both the families never mattered!

It all depends on one's values. It also depends on the values of a nation. Citizens of a nation talk of the royal family in a hushed tone, watch over their every movement, look at all the pluses and minuses. Why? The smallest kid of the royal family becomes a celebrity right from the birth. Why? It all boils down to values.

Before this discussion talks only about family, let us all remember that, for many of us friendships matter more than ties of blood. Qualities are more important than inheritance. For many of us the most important factor is the person and not any other tag attached with that person.